First Run...

I am going to give this a shot...trying to put on paper (cyber paper??) all the random thoughts I come up with on a daily basis. I always seem to have an opinion about things that really shouldn't even matter to me, and in fact don't matter in the big scheme of things. However, the opinion monster is always lurking inside my mouth just jumping at the chance to get out. Maybe this forum is the safest, least offensive place to let him have his say. I'm sure I'm going to manage to offend all sorts of folks at one point or another, and for that I offer my pre-apology. I think I'll just lead off each post with that... "I'm sorry..." and then get right into it. Whatever "it" is.


Now that I'm contemplating doing this - or I guess I'm somewhat past the contemplation phase - I am having a hard time making this about anything. Seems more like a Seinfeld blog...a bunch of stuff about nothing really. Right now I can hear my husband and my youngest (the 4 year old) playing the XBox in the living room. I'm currently "officing" out of the room my daughter and the youngest share, listening to an episode of Toot and Puddle going on in the background because it has not yet occurred to me to get up and turn off the television. I have been too busy typing about nothing. Hmm... this has the makings of a beautiful friendship. I can type away and this computer doesn't even get a word in edge-wise. Doesn't even try! However, it will go much smoother when I get my laptop fixed (read: find recovery disks in my garage and reinstall Windows) and can resume doing all of my important computer-y stuff at the kitchen table. That way I won't be so far from the coffee pot. (smile)


I have to say that I really love the title of my blog. It's so me. I'm always late. It's not a good habit and one I certainly don't recommend developing, but it's one I'm stuck with and I've adjusted. It's all the other folks around me that may not KNOW me that don't understand. I don't want to be late. I would love to be early. I have done this maybe 5 times in my 38 years and it's been so great! But it never really caught on. I can't blame my children although others seem to assume this is the reason and so I don't argue. But the truth is: it's me.


I was born late (true fact) and I'll probably be late to my own funeral. I actually want to make that part of my funeral. Have everyone sitting there, talking about their new pet, boat or weekend plans in those hushed tones. You know, the tones that people think are fooling the grieving into thinking they are really talking about their loved one?? We are all guilty of this. Anyway, about 30 minutes into it the funeral parlor guys come wheeling me in, all hurried and sweaty. Everyone will cheer, "she made it!!" one last time. And only those that truly know me and love me anyway will get it.


Also... NO CARNATIONS. There. I have discussed this with anyone who will listen, but I am so serious about it. I hate carnations. They signify death to me. And yes, duh, death is sort of present at a funeral. But it's not about death for me. Not about death or its ugly flowers. I don't want any of those big, floral crosses or wreaths. And to my beloved family: if you get me these things I will haunt you. I don't know how all that works just yet, but I will once I'm dead and I will haunt you. And now, since I've planted that seed, even if I am unable to haunt you, you will think I am. So it all works out to my advantage.

My sister and I have discussed this at length, and she knows exactly what I do and do not want, right down to the correct color of green for my urn. That's right, I want to be cremated. I'm claustrophobic, sort of. Plus, when she's having to help with arrangements for this whole thing I hope that the laughs we had while talking about this stuff will come back into her mind and help her to laugh. It's okay to get the giggles at my funeral, folks. Laughter is one of God's best gifts, I think. And I want my people to keep on laughing. What do you think I'm gonna be doing? I'm not going to be sad. And if you worry about seeing me again, then guess what? Get SAVED...and join me in Heaven when it's your time. I'll be the one cracking jokes and making funny faces. You'll be able to hear the laughter.


For the record - I am not planning to die any time soon. I am not ill or suicidal, though I am slightly nuts. I know all this death talk is morbid, but hey. I said I was going to offend folks, right? "I'm sorry...". There. I just know that when it's time to go, most folks don't have the pleasure of asking for a snooze so they can make those last minute arrangements. I've attended far too many funerals in my life. This is why it's something I have thought about and considered from an early age.

Whew! Our power just went out and came back on (obviously) but I thought I lost this entire long-winded entry. Thank the Lord for auto-save. Guess I'm done talking about death. Can I go off on a tangent or what?? Do you now understand why I need this blog? Plus, I just re-read this and had to laugh about the part where I said the computer can't get a word in. It CAN, however, just shut off when it's tired of me going on about whatever topic I've decided to run into the ground this time. Funny stuff! Guess I'm out of steam for now.

-k.