Life in the Unemployed Lane

So.  We moved.  Yay and all that jazz.  However, it's been almost 8 months since my husband lost his job and boy it's getting pretty un-fun around here!  We're surviving by the Grace of God alone, and I'm very thankful that my kids don't really know what it means to be poor, although I'm sure they think they do.  In any case, since he's been unable to find a job (and he really IS looking, folks!) I figured I would give it a shot. Piece of cake, right?  After all, I worked for 20 years starting at age 15 and have so much experience in various office settings it isn't even funny.  Name a job and I've probably done it.  And done it well.  I was probably promoted.  Easy, peas-y.


Yeah, no.  Boy, have I been knocked down a peg or two.  It is amazing how hard it is to prove to folks that just because I'm a stay at home mom doesn't mean I always was.  Or that I could never find a job and just decided, "What they heck, guess I'll have babies!"  I haven't forgotten how to type or answer a phone or send a fax, people.  I have submitted resumes and applications to so many places it's not even funny.  And the ones that were "gimmes" (hello, Target and Walgreen's?) haven't even responded to me.  How's that for an ego-boost?  I'd rather get the "We hate you, you suck" emails that are not worded in quite that way but might as well be when you get them.  The point is at least they have the decency to send them so I'm not just waiting and wondering what's up with that  particular job.  I have found the one I think I want most, but haven't heard back about it yet.  And I have now started sending out cover letters that forego all the niceties and just tell it like it is:  I quit work to stay home with my kids.  My kids are in school now.  There will be NO more new kids.  Blah, blah, blah, funny, funny, blah.  My husband even suggested I put on my resume that my tubes are tied.  I think he was joking.


What's a girl to do?  I spend all day (now that we have internet at home again and I'm no longer banished to the library) online looking for jobs and playing Facebook games.  I applied for another job today...small office, general stuff.  I could do this in my sleep.  I'm just gonna believe that if it's meant for me then they'll call.  If not, I guess I'll just keep sending out resumes with oh-so-clever cover letters.


And farming, of course.  At least I still have the farm :)

A home of our own

So much has been happening lately that I hardly know where to begin.  We are moving.  Yay!!  We found an awesome little house in a town that we LIKE and we're supposed to move next Friday.  Woo hoo!  Of course there is still the small issue of how we're gonna fund the rest of this move, but hey - if God has brought us this far then I'm sure he's got it all worked out.  I am looking forward to seeing exactly how. It should definitely be interesting.  Now if I could just remember where I put the packing tape...really.

In other news, in just 2 days, my oldest son will be turning 12.  I can't believe the same little guy that I brought home (in complete awe) is already getting to be taller than me.  Unbelievable how quickly it all passes!  Pretty soon I'll be chasing away neighborhood girls, and hanging up on them when they call.  Ha ha.  Not really.  Not really ha ha at all.  It's such a scary world out there and I'm afraid of what awaits my boy.  I know it sounds cliche, and I guess it is cliche, but the world just isn't what it used to be.  With kids doing all kinds of things in the name of being cool, it really scares me to think of sending my son out into it.  I know that he has a good head on his shoulders and a healthy fear of me and his father, but since when did that ever stop any kids from getting into more stuff than their parents ever imagined they would?  I just pray that he is protected.  And that he is smart in the choices he makes.  I pray that he decides to be a leader and not a follower.  I pray that he has been listening to what I've been saying all these years, and has been getting the stuff I'm not saying, too.  He still tells me he loves me every time we say goodbye.  He still asks if I'm okay when he hears me say, "ouch!" and he still waves hi happily when he sees me after school.  How much longer will I have this precious boy?  Not to give too much credit to the age "13", but if it's true and kids change so drastically as they become teens, then this is my last year to have my son in this way.  I must try to cherish every moment as if it were the last of this relationship.  I realize that a new and different relationship will rise up out of the ashes of the teen years, but I will so miss the honesty of this one.  Yikes!  I better stop mourning the loss of my son and his unconditional love for me while it's still here!  He's a great kid.  I have no idea what God had in mind when he chose me for his mother.  It's just more proof that God loves me more than I could ever deserve.

And I think that says enough for today.  

Movin' on...

So we're moving again.  We've only been in this particular place since October of last year, but we've wanted to move since about a day after we moved in, ha ha.  Not really ha ha, but you get my drift.  We had this crazy notion that we should shirk all reasonable thought and move into an apartment.  We are a family of 5.  Two mostly grown-ups and 3 all the way kids.  And 2 dogs.  And a cat.  And a hamster, who, by the way, isn't actually a pet that "counts" in the eyes of our landlord.  Furry (the hamster) is the best of all the pets.  She stays in a relatively small cage and although she can rival a Mack truck when she gets going on that wheel, she is otherwise the easiest pet EVER.  That said, back to the moving part.  I had no idea it was going to be so hard to find a new place!  We have prayed and prayed for the right place to pop up and so often we've thought we've found it, but for some reason nobody wants to lease their home to someone who is about to break lease #2 in less than 1 year.  I realize that's absurd, but I wish people would consider circumstances that surround the past move.  We had to move.  Had to.  One year ago (or a little more than one year) my husband lost his job.  At that time we were in the process of buying a home.  And for the record, it wasn't nearly as "fun" as the mortgage broker said the looking process was supposed to be.  Either way, one lost job and all that went away.  When he found a new job a few MONTHS later, we were really on the verge of pitching a tent under the nearest bridge and paid hell trying to catch up.  But for the most part, we DID.  After a few months of him commuting to the new OUT OF TOWN job, we couldn't do it anymore.  We decided to bite the bullet and just move into this apartment.  We didn't pay attention to the gut feelings that said we were approved no problem but because of me we had to pay our rent (all $1200+) by money order only.  RED FLAG #1.  Nor did it sway us away from our plan when I discovered there was no playground at these so-called "luxury" apartments. RED FLAG #2.  We needed to push back the move in date by one (1!) week and were told our rent would increase by $30 a month if we did this.  RED FLAG #3!  We still trucked right on along.  Also, all they had available was an upstairs unit.  There is no parking close to the unit.  I could go on and on, but the point is that we ignored so many warning signs and moved in anyway.  So I don't wanna make that mistake again, but we really do need to get out of this apartment.  There are quite a few issues with this place, but that's a post for another day.  So for today, we will continue to hunt and pray that we find someone who was once in our shoes and understands that we are not trying to move to a new place for the sheer purpose of moving again and then again!  We are tired of moving.  Really, really tired.  That is all.

Hidden-ism

I just emerged from my overcrowded garage and while I found lots of stuff I'd forgotten I had, I did not find what I went in for: the recovery disks for my laptop.  They do exist, don't they?  I'm sure they do.  I think.  If they don't, I am in for a world of $$cha-ching$$ paying.  I don't want to pay someone else to re-install Windows on my computer.  That is an absurd notion in my way of thinking.  But if they have the means to do this and I don't, it looks like I'm going to have to let a "professional" put their magic disks into my laptop and make it all better.  Stinks to think I may have to pay someone $80 or better to install a couple of disks.  Bleh.  Really makes me consider waiting until we get moved and I can get to all the hidden boxes where I know the disks are sitting.  Woe is me...Why do I pack so efficiently?? Better yet, why am I always partially packed?? I long for the day when I have no boxes of "someday" stuff hanging around in various corners of my home.  It will be so nice to not have to contend with cardboard to do any number of daily tasks.  They've become so interlaced with our day to day lives that most of us don't even notice them.  Most of us.  Ahh, I guess the only one who doesn't know any better is my youngest, and that's because he's always lived in "box-world".  Poor guy.  Glad I could depress myself!  Woo hoo, me!  Just a big bundle of hormones and frustration.  Sounds like a pubescent boy, huh?  No, I'm at the opposite end of that spectrum.  Pre-menopausal woman.  Although my skin has more in common with a teenage boy, ha ha.  Oh well.  Maybe the acne will camouflage the wrinkles.  On that note, I'm just gonna let this one go...

Back for more?

I have determined 2 things today: (1) when you're older and your children have grown and gone off on their own,  you forget what it's like to have children.  Just like it's easy to forget how it feels to be poor when you're rich.  And now I've forgotten the other one.  Argh!  My kids have stolen my memory.  I am really racking my brain right now trying to remember what other point I determined I was going to make in this entry.  I was in the kitchen...probably looking for something (else) to eat.  Hmph.  Oh well.  Guess it wasn't a good point after all.  Why is it that I feel so much pressure to make this thing great?  I am most likely the only person going to read it and while I'm a pretty tough critic, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get my jokes.  How sad is that?  I can laugh at my own jokes every time.  I don't think you're supposed to laugh at your own jokes, though.  I'll have to think about that later, I guess.  Right now my husband (the chef - yum) is making something fattening for us to eat to balance out our entirely too healthy dinner.  I'm sure it is going to be delicious and I will hate myself after.  However, I will not hate myself enough to stop laughing at my own jokes.  I will still think I'm a pretty funny girl.  Albeit, plus-sized, but still funny.  Also, I recently colored my own hair (again) and I have to insist that somebody stop me from ever doing that again.  I have absolutely no talent at all in the hair-coloring department.  I was a licensed cosmetologist for 20 years until I couldn't manage to jump through the last batch of hoops laid out before me and had to let it go.  Bleh.  Not that I used it for anything other that going to the professional beauty supply house and getting the good shampoo for cheap.  And don't forget hair color!  I know how to do it.  I just don't seem to have the ability to pre-determine how it will come out.  I've had experiences with it coming out very well to Ronald McDonald red.  That color isn't even attractive on Ronald McDonald.  But I keep on trying to get it right for me.  I got it pretty darn close last time, but didn't have any more of that "good" hair color so I had to kind of guess with the generic stuff from the local beauty supply and it has a fancy greenish tinge but other parts look nice and coppery in the light.  HA!  My daughter said it does indeed have a green tint, but it's a really pretty shade of green.  She's 8.  And very sweet.  Mostly. So now I need to try and undo what I've done and I'd like to get it undone before church on Sunday.  Not gonna happen, but hey.  If you're gonna wish, wish big, right?  And on that note, I think I smell cookies.  

-k.

p.s. My husband just read this and said it doesn't look green.  Good man, indeed.     

First Run...

I am going to give this a shot...trying to put on paper (cyber paper??) all the random thoughts I come up with on a daily basis. I always seem to have an opinion about things that really shouldn't even matter to me, and in fact don't matter in the big scheme of things. However, the opinion monster is always lurking inside my mouth just jumping at the chance to get out. Maybe this forum is the safest, least offensive place to let him have his say. I'm sure I'm going to manage to offend all sorts of folks at one point or another, and for that I offer my pre-apology. I think I'll just lead off each post with that... "I'm sorry..." and then get right into it. Whatever "it" is.


Now that I'm contemplating doing this - or I guess I'm somewhat past the contemplation phase - I am having a hard time making this about anything. Seems more like a Seinfeld blog...a bunch of stuff about nothing really. Right now I can hear my husband and my youngest (the 4 year old) playing the XBox in the living room. I'm currently "officing" out of the room my daughter and the youngest share, listening to an episode of Toot and Puddle going on in the background because it has not yet occurred to me to get up and turn off the television. I have been too busy typing about nothing. Hmm... this has the makings of a beautiful friendship. I can type away and this computer doesn't even get a word in edge-wise. Doesn't even try! However, it will go much smoother when I get my laptop fixed (read: find recovery disks in my garage and reinstall Windows) and can resume doing all of my important computer-y stuff at the kitchen table. That way I won't be so far from the coffee pot. (smile)


I have to say that I really love the title of my blog. It's so me. I'm always late. It's not a good habit and one I certainly don't recommend developing, but it's one I'm stuck with and I've adjusted. It's all the other folks around me that may not KNOW me that don't understand. I don't want to be late. I would love to be early. I have done this maybe 5 times in my 38 years and it's been so great! But it never really caught on. I can't blame my children although others seem to assume this is the reason and so I don't argue. But the truth is: it's me.


I was born late (true fact) and I'll probably be late to my own funeral. I actually want to make that part of my funeral. Have everyone sitting there, talking about their new pet, boat or weekend plans in those hushed tones. You know, the tones that people think are fooling the grieving into thinking they are really talking about their loved one?? We are all guilty of this. Anyway, about 30 minutes into it the funeral parlor guys come wheeling me in, all hurried and sweaty. Everyone will cheer, "she made it!!" one last time. And only those that truly know me and love me anyway will get it.


Also... NO CARNATIONS. There. I have discussed this with anyone who will listen, but I am so serious about it. I hate carnations. They signify death to me. And yes, duh, death is sort of present at a funeral. But it's not about death for me. Not about death or its ugly flowers. I don't want any of those big, floral crosses or wreaths. And to my beloved family: if you get me these things I will haunt you. I don't know how all that works just yet, but I will once I'm dead and I will haunt you. And now, since I've planted that seed, even if I am unable to haunt you, you will think I am. So it all works out to my advantage.

My sister and I have discussed this at length, and she knows exactly what I do and do not want, right down to the correct color of green for my urn. That's right, I want to be cremated. I'm claustrophobic, sort of. Plus, when she's having to help with arrangements for this whole thing I hope that the laughs we had while talking about this stuff will come back into her mind and help her to laugh. It's okay to get the giggles at my funeral, folks. Laughter is one of God's best gifts, I think. And I want my people to keep on laughing. What do you think I'm gonna be doing? I'm not going to be sad. And if you worry about seeing me again, then guess what? Get SAVED...and join me in Heaven when it's your time. I'll be the one cracking jokes and making funny faces. You'll be able to hear the laughter.


For the record - I am not planning to die any time soon. I am not ill or suicidal, though I am slightly nuts. I know all this death talk is morbid, but hey. I said I was going to offend folks, right? "I'm sorry...". There. I just know that when it's time to go, most folks don't have the pleasure of asking for a snooze so they can make those last minute arrangements. I've attended far too many funerals in my life. This is why it's something I have thought about and considered from an early age.

Whew! Our power just went out and came back on (obviously) but I thought I lost this entire long-winded entry. Thank the Lord for auto-save. Guess I'm done talking about death. Can I go off on a tangent or what?? Do you now understand why I need this blog? Plus, I just re-read this and had to laugh about the part where I said the computer can't get a word in. It CAN, however, just shut off when it's tired of me going on about whatever topic I've decided to run into the ground this time. Funny stuff! Guess I'm out of steam for now.

-k.